If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy. – Sense and Sensibility.
I’ll warn you now – this post is heart-felt and sappy.
Read at your own risk.
9.5 years ago I was introduced to a boy – he was celebrating his 18th birthday. I casually wished him a “happy birthday” and went on with my evening, catching the odd glance in passing, with nothing more. I had no idea I was just introduced to my future.
Our paths kept crossing – and our chemistry became undeniable to everyone around us. We were in love – everything else went foggy.
Fast forward 9.5 years and 4 children later. Here we are – not sick of each other yet. To risk sounding like a love-sick idiot, I’ll dare say we are more in love now than we ever have been, if that’s possible. Something about falling in love with a boy and getting to watch him grow into a man, into an amazing father. I’m hooked.
He is undoubtedly my best friend, and knows me better than anyone else… . I go to him for advice on everything – he is incredibly cool-headed in a crisis, and very rational-minded (most of the time). We’ve been through the ringer – babies, school, moving, twins – and come out unscathed. Some would think we would know everything there is to know about one another now.
That is definitely not the case.
We do need to remind ourselves of this sometimes. We are two very different people who think in very different ways. It’s when we forget this that we get into trouble. He will never be able to know exactly what’s on my heart without me telling him myself. He will never do exactly what I expect or want him to do. He will make his own choices – which won’t always agree with mine.
It’s a risk we take, making the decision to commit ourselves to each other everyday. We have no control over one another and can only TRUST that feelings are true. Basically, choosing to love is choosing to be vulnerable… the most vulnerable we could ever be.
If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy.
It certainly would make everything easier – if we both could know what was in one another’s heart. We would never disappoint each other. All risk would be removed and it would save us a lot of time spent talking about our feelings. But, how boring would life be? – It’s the “not-knowing” that makes our life interesting.
So, as we get ready to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of our wedding, I keep having to pinch myself. I’m constantly being surprised by this man who keeps deciding to love me and commit to me. It’s BECAUSE I don’t know his heart that I will never truly understand why he’s chosen me… instead I get to watch him spell it out for me everyday, leaving me feeling thankful that he is mine; enjoying this family that love has created and dreaming about what the future will bring.