Week 30 – For a long time, I’ve fooled myself into thinking there are two types of mom’s in this world: career-oriented mom’s and stay-at-home mom’s.
To make matters worse, I’ve continually told myself that I would never be good at being a “stay-at-home” mom, and that I belonged in the career-oriented category.
I’m here to say – I’ve been lying to myself.
I’ve been killing myself trying to fit into this “career-oriented” mold.
I’ve been neglecting my home life, my family, my marriage, my kids, myself – and making it all okay. Because, let’s face it, I’m not cut out to be “that kind” of mom.
Enough is enough.
I am just a mom, struggling to find purpose, maintain order and provide security. A hugely daunting task, really. A task through which I am continually losing myself, over and over.
It is easy for me to find the validation I’m looking for – in my career. There is reward and satisfaction that comes along with working hard outside of the home – the amount of work I pour into it seems to pay off. No, it definitely doesn’t add anything to the paycheck, but it’s sustained my self-worth up until this point.
It’s not cutting it anymore. At the end of the day, I am coming home to a house full of half-empty cups, relationships needing more attention, matters half-dealt with demanding more time.
It’s like I’m slowly beginning to wake up.
My kids are getting older. The phase of toddler-dom that is all-consuming, exhausting and self-sacrificing, is coming to an end for me. Hindsight is arriving, sure to disappoint me as it always does.
In the moment, the choices I make always seem like the right ones. Why does hindsight always have to present itself after the fact? For once, it would be handy to have the information it brings – BEFOREHAND.
I foolishly thought that after preschool, once the job of parenting and educating my children became one shared with the public school system, things were going to get easier. Is it possible, as I look around at this mass chaos I am leaving behind every morning – switching my, “there is no way I can do this” mom hat, for my much-preferred, “teacher of the year” one, is it possible that my children are needing me now more than ever?
A really hard pill to swallow. Something’s gotta change…
Maybe I can start by eliminating this “career-oriented” vs. “stay-at-home” debate that has been playing on a loop in my head since I became a mom 11 years ago.
Be kind to yourself, moms.